Dirty Mouth
by dirtydarkness418
Summary: 2x05 - There's one more thing he can do for him before the night is over. CD slash SMUT o/s


A/N: Please don't flame. I'm gonna be disgusted enough with this when I'm done with it, but hey, everyone needs a dirty fanfic account to post what they gag over in the light of day. I'll try to keep this as in character as I can, but often you need to bend the rules a little when writing something in the gutter. Extreme smut. Slash. Starts in the limo on their way back from CD's night out in "the world of Chuck Bass".

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

…

Chuck regretted giving him the alcohol and drugs. Of course, at the time he'd liked seeing Humphrey squirm, crossing the lines of his well in-tact morals for the sake of a night out with the infamous Chuck Bass. It felt very Matrix-like when he offered them the pills with that dangerous look in his eyes. Dan had succumbed, as he'd known he would. Just like he was going to succumb now, if for no other reason than to get him to shut up.

"Where do you know so many twins?"

"Twins find me."

And now they'd made him hard as a rock. Everything had been perfectly planned tonight, even as it came together on the spur of a moment when Humphrey walked into his penthouse. But he hadn't plan for those lap dances to get him so close to coming. He needed to get Dan out of his limo as soon as he could or he'd have to resort to what he now feared was the inevitable. It disgusted him since the Brooklyn native was fully feeling the effects of the drugs and alcohol and could not stop talking. He rattled off sentences that made no sense and repeated words like he'd forgotten them the first five times they'd been said.

But he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to shut Humphrey up, and he knew one final way to do it. The amusement he'd held on to all evening was thinning at the speed of a firecracker. He almost threw up at the thought of Brooklyn's dirty hands or worse – mouth – on his skin, but he was willing to make an exception giving the fact that he'd been with him all night and Dan had almost unknowingly washed his hands whenever Chuck instructed him to do so, too far gone to think clearly. Though, on occasion, his senses did come back. Those moments were especially irritating, but it was only one night so Chuck decided he could deal with it.

Silence ensued and he was grateful for it. He was not, however, pleased with Humphrey's last statement.

_"We've got to do this again sometime."_

_ Hell no. Had he forgotten where they stood on the social ladder? Geographically? In matters of style and clothing? _ The possibility that he actually had made what he was about to do even more mortifying, but he couldn't wait until he got home to call on the hotel maids or finger through his little black book in need of release. Masturbating here – now – was out of the question. It would stain his leather seats, reminding him that he'd been having sex with _himself_ when it got there. Even if it was quickly cleansed and erased from his memory.

He reminded himself for the hundredth time that sex with Humphrey would be intolerable, especially since he hadn't slept with a guy in years and certainly didn't want it to be a bad experience. It had, however, been a big boost to his ego knowing that he'd been the man to show Blair around her delightful new world of sex. It was possible that a tiny fraction of that smug satisfaction could be transferred over to this situation. He hoped that was true.

"There's one last thing for the night, Humphrey. Then you're going to leave, and I will never give you such an opportunity again."

Dan blinked and looked over at him. "What? You mean…"

"We are not doing this again," Chuck said flatly. "I am not lowering myself to your level ever again after tonight."

Dan frowned and his eyebrows furrowed. "But…we had such a good time." He sat up from his slumped position. "I know you were enjoying yourself. I mean, you practically came when those twins were—"

Chuck held up his hand, regretting his decision more by the second. "Think before you speak, Daniel. It would do you wonders." Dan still looked confused. "Even when you're completely wasted, in what I'm guessing is your first time ever, there are still moments when you can see clearly," he said slowly, so Dan would understand him. He ignored the continued confused look on his face. "I must admit I was irritated this evening during those few moments you remembered your god-forsaken morals and common sense, because it was amusing to see you high as a kite all due to my clever maneuvering."

Dan frowned, still trying to understand.

"However, I am no longer amused. There's one more…activity you must experience to have truly known a day in my shoes. You probably will not like it, but…" He pressed the button to close the solid black window between the front and back sections of the limo. Dan's eyes widened when he heard the click of the car locks and then realized there was no way he could unlock his door from his side of the car. With panicky eyes, he turned to look at Chuck who looked more calmly amused than he had all evening.

"_Chuck_," he warned, unease scorching his skin as he watched the boy billionaire unbuckle his belt and pull his dick out of his pants. "Whoa." He put up his hands to block the sight.

"I know, pretty impressive, isn't it?" He smirked, starting to stroke his long length.

"Chuck." Dan nearly coughed. "Put that away." He waved him off, chills running up and down his spine.

Chuck smiled slowly, the disgust from moments earlier evaporating the more time passed. He was amused again, extremely so. Humphrey was going to wriggle his way all the way through this. He would not be surprised if he squealed at some point. It was going to be nothing but pure ecstasy for him when they were finished. And he'd leave him horny as hell on the side of the street while it rained, wishing he – Chuck Bass – had done him the same service he was about to do him.

"Don't be shy," he cooed.

"Chuck," he said again, still in shock and trying as best as he could to avert his eyes from anything on Chuck's side of the car. "I didn't sign up for this."

"You signed up for a night with Chuck Bass," he said coolly. "This is part of the deal. It's too late to turn back now. You had your chance back when I offered you drugs at the bar."

Dan sputtered, "Were you _planning_ this from the beginning? Are you _gay_? Cause I'm not. I definitely made that clear on the outset. And I thought you were joking!"

Chuck sighed patiently. "I prefer to see myself in the constant mode of experimentation."

Dan blinked, his mouth hanging open. "So, you _are_ gay."

He rolled his eyes. "No." He stopped stroking himself for a moment, annoyed by the questions.

"Bi?"

"Is my sexual orientation really of so much interest to you, Humphrey?"

Dan flushed.

Chuck smirked. "Here." He grabbed Dan's hand and started dragging it towards him, but he pulled it away just as it was within reach of Chuck's throbbing dick.

"No. Absolutely not. I don't care how long I have to sit in this car with you, there is no way I'm giving you a hand job."

Chuck smirked. "Blowjob, then?"

Dan's eyes widened in panic. "_What_? No!"

He sighed. "I figured as much."

Dan relaxed slightly, hoping he was right in that he'd escaped this disgusting activity. But wariness still flooded through him. The hairs at the nape of his neck stood on end. He knew Chuck Bass would not give up so easily.

"We'll just have to ease you into it, now won't we?" He purred softly, leaning towards the trapped Brooklynite plastered against the corner of the car.

"Get off of me!" Dan pushed him away in disgust.

Chuck sighed testily and dusted off any potential Humphrey germs from his jacket.

"No need to raise your voice, Humphrey. Believe it or not, I was trying to make this easier for you. And in my current state, that is not something I find myself likely to do."

"Oh, not like you do with my sister?" He spat venom at him, remembering just how scared Jenny had looked as she ran into Serena's arms the night of the Kiss on the Lips party.

"I'm not a date rapist, as much as you'd like to believe. Yes, I was forcing her, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it at all if I had to actually go through with forcing her all the way through. It would have gone done in my book as a really bad lay, and that doesn't even touch on how uncoordinated she would have been."

Dan scoffed, holding his anger together by a thread. Jenny was not supposed to come up at all during the evening, and yet she had. He realized then that his sister's traumatic experience with Chuck was the key reason he refused to look at Chuck as a human being.

"But enough about Jenny. We have more pressing matters to attend to." He started leaning towards Dan again, but was once more pushed away. He ground his teeth against each other. "Don't make me do this the hard way. I'll force your lips on more than just my mouth."

Dan's eyes widened in shock, fear racing through him. Sweat started to appear in droplets on his forehead. He was as far away from Chuck as he could manage but that haughty face was just inches away from claiming him. He held himself incredibly still, hoping he could close his eyes and wake up from this dreadful nightmare, but the hopeful thought did nothing for him. Within seconds, he could feel Chuck's full lips against him, tasting him.

"There," Chuck breathed against his skin. "Not so bad, is it?"

Dan opened his eyes and realized just how close Chuck was. He made the mistake of looking down and seeing him pump his dick fiercely.

"You want it, don't you? You _need_ it."

Dan's eyes widened. He could no longer speak, and it wouldn't do him any good either. He'd just be saying everything that had already been said, and he'd get the same answers in response. It was inevitable now. He would not get to leave until he'd done Chuck Bass this…service.

Suddenly a thought came to him. He stretched out his arm past Chuck and banged his fist on the dark, black window separating the driver from the passengers. Chuck smirked.

"It's soundproof, Humphrey. And besides, he's my driver. Whatever you tell him isn't something he hasn't heard before. He knows I'm a 'good kid' deep down, and my father is paying him very handsomely."

"You are a date rapist," he said in disbelief. "And this was all a set-up. Some sort of scheme to get back at me because you didn't get my sister."

Chuck rolled his eyes. "I could care less about your sister. Could care less about you too. What I need now though…is _release_." Dan glanced down at the throbbing dick being pumped by Chuck's hand. It looked hard and huge. For the first time since he'd been cornered, he felt something strange. "Now, let's try this again." He pressed his lips to Dan's again, urging him to respond. It took a few irritatingly long moments, but finally he did.

He breathed against him. "There we go." He kissed him again, glorying in the sound of their lips coming together and parting. He deepened the kisses and then finally pulled away, noticing how Dan was out of breath. He looked guilty too. Chuck was proud of that. "Kind of nice, isn't it?" He remarked. Dan avoided his gaze.

Again, Chuck moved towards him and captured his lips. His hand wrapped around the back of his head and he pulled him closer, pumping his dick even faster as he pulled them both to the middle of the seat again.

He was in a different dimension, one he planned to forget about promptly as soon as he left this limo. But now the fire was burning so thickly in him, he could not hold back. Chuck's breath tasted of sweet liquor and his neck smelled of the twins' heady perfume. His lips were full, perfect. It was obvious now why the girls couldn't get enough of him. There was so much to explore in this body and Dan knew he had to seek out as much as he could. He didn't understand it and he told himself to stop franticly, but a much calmer, very Chuck Bass-like voice soothed him saying he couldn't escape, that he wanted this and that he would be glad for it when it was over.

So, he broke away from Chuck's lips and began to lower his head. Chuck leaned back against the seat and sighed contently, closing his eyes when he felt Dan's breath against the skin of his dick. He stopped pumping himself and placed his hand roughly on the seat on the other side of him, so he would not relax.

"Put it in your mouth," he whispered hotly. "Then, go up." He opened his eyes a minute later when he realized Dan was still somewhat uncoordinated with the task, especially since his dick was so hard and straight, unbendable, impenetrable. He needed more room.

"Virgin," he murmured, adjusting his position so he was facing Dan more directly.

Dan went down on his knees on the floor of the car and slowly took in the massive length of Chuck's dick. He heard Chuck gasp and an excited thrill ripped through him. He was halfway up his length when he started to feel it at the opening of his throat. He started to slip back to save himself, but Chuck's hand came up roughly and forced him to swallow the rest of him whole. He coughed horribly after he'd been allowed to empty the long stick of skin.

Dan looked up annoyed and feeling somewhat sore.

"Now you know how the girls feel." Chuck smirked. "Again." He pushed Dan back down, pulling his mouth down all the way to the base of his dick again. Dan's hand came around and grasped at Chuck's thigh to steady himself. The chills that rippled through Chuck then made him release his head and Dan moved his mouth and swirling tongue up and down the hard length with just enough distance so he wouldn't choke and gag every time he came up for air.

He was starting to enjoy it. His skin was salty and the feel was new, unfamiliar, but somehow shockingly exotic. He pulled his mouth off the dick and just licked around it. Then he brought his other hand up to knead Chuck's balls at the base. Chuck gasped with that one. Dan liked that. He liked creating such a reaction in the calm-as-can-be jackass of the Upper East Side teens. Unconsciously, he realized he'd unbuckled his own belt, unzipped his pants, and was now pumping his own length with his hands.

"Not…bad…" Chuck made out in little breaths as he saw Dan's dick come out of his pants. He couldn't look long though because he was so close his eyes could barely focus. He closed them and leaned back against the seat. Then, the thick tension took him. He pushed himself involuntarily hard against the seat and went taut, his white cum shooting out of him and into Humphrey's mouth.

Dan spit up most of it, to which Chuck condemned him with his eyes.

"What _was_ that?" Dan asked, disgusted with the taste.

Chuck raised his eyebrows. "What do you think?"

"Well, I—" His face cleared as reality came slamming back, clearing the sole taste of Chuck's cum in his mouth. "I know _that_."

Chuck smirked and shook his head. He grabbed a handkerchief from a pocket in the door and wiped the cum off the seat. Then, he zipped himself up and rebuckled his belt. He looked at Dan, who seemed mesmerized by the movements and was still pumping his own dick.

Chuck pressed the button to lower the window.

"Arthur, pull over."

Dan blinked and looked up at him. "Where are we?"

Chuck unlocked the doors. "I don't know, but you're getting out."

Dan's face went pale. Suddenly, the door opened, Chuck's chauffer standing on the outside. Dan looked very disoriented, but he quickly turned away to zip himself back up and slipped on his shoes. It was clear he wanted to ask questions, about Chuck, about them maybe or if this had even really happened. But he didn't. He knew what the answers would be.

Instead, he moved across the seat to the open door and was about to climb out when Chuck's voice stopped him.

"Humphrey."

He turned to face him.

"_Practice_."

He blinked, but did not respond. Once again, Chuck's smile unnerved him. He got out of the car and looked around him. If this was Brooklyn, he didn't know where the hell in Brooklyn it was. Across the street he spotted a gas station with a pay phone. Belatedly, he realized he must have left his phone in Chuck's limo.

That would be awkward.

…

A/N: If you weren't disgusted by some parts…like I _really_ am right now. Ew. Then, respond, and give me your feedback. =)


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